Vampire Jokes |
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ajqtrz 
Postmaster   Joined: 24 May 2014 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 500 |
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 Quote Reply  Topic: Vampire JokesPosted: 24 Jan 2015 at 15:56 |
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Because I'm always tying to be a funny guy here are my vampire jokes. Feel free to add your own.
Why do Vampires never fail to brush their teeth? Nobody makes vampire dentures.
If they made vampire dentures what would they be made of? Straw, of course.
What’s the greatest danger a Vampire with dentures encounters? Blood clots.
If a vampire gets a blood clot what does he do? Brush his teeth. |
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| Shûl-nak
Wordsmith   Warpainter Joined: 23 Dec 2014 Status: Offline Points: 197 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 24 Jan 2015 at 20:25 |
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Like aj, I have also dedicated my entire life to becoming that most famed and elusive creature, the 'funny guy.' So as a gesture of solidarity I will also contribute. Donations of gold and prestige to both aj and I are of course welcomed as an acknowledgement of our unparalleled comedic genius, but please keep laughter to a minimum throughout the thread. This is serious art.
How did the townsfolk deal with the vegetarian vampire?
They carotid him to death
Why are dwarven vampires so fat and rich?
Because they're always finding veins
What drink do dieting vampires take?
Sun-light
Why are groups of sleeping vampires so noisy?
Because of all the coffin
Why do vampires make such bad fielders?
They always want to bat
Edited by Shûl-nak - 24 Jan 2015 at 20:27 |
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| Dungshoveleux
Postmaster Joined: 09 Nov 2013 Status: Offline Points: 935 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 24 Jan 2015 at 22:58 |
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call the samaritans - you need help ;-)
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| Fiona
Wordsmith  Joined: 02 Jul 2014 Status: Offline Points: 139 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 25 Jan 2015 at 05:13 |
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aj and Shul, you two crack me up. :D Thanks for the laugh.
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| ajqtrz
Postmaster Joined: 24 May 2014 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 500 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 28 Jan 2015 at 22:09 |
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Hear Yea Hear yea!
We now have a contest for the Best Original Vampire Joke ever told in Illy! Rule 1: The Joke Must Suck! (Of course) Rule 2: The Joke May have Teeth in It (or a Biting Wit as a substitute). Rule 3: Voting for the Best Vampire Joke in Illy will be strictly a straw pole. Rule 4: The Joke may make your blood boil. All Jokes will receive a nice rating: A+ Rare and Bloody Well Funny A- Not so Rare and Bloody Well Funny AB Sort of Bloody Well Funny O the standard and universal Vampire Joke rating for all other Vampire jokes. And the winner will receive a nice pass to their local Blood Bank where they can make a withdrawal. AJ PS This contest from February 1 to Valentines day or course. Good luck and let me know if you think really sucks in Vampire humor. |
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| GM Stormcrow
Moderator Group  GM Joined: 23 Feb 2010 Location: Illyria Status: Offline Points: 3820 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 29 Jan 2015 at 02:57 |
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This is awful. Carry on.
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| Hora
Postmaster  Joined: 10 May 2010 Status: Offline Points: 839 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 29 Jan 2015 at 10:24 |
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OK... that's my try to translate a lengthy german joke into english... =)
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Three vampires meet on a hilltop. Somewhat bored they decide to do a competition in bloodsucking.
The first vampire starts... half an hour passes... then he comes back, blood trickling from one side of his mouth.
"Do you see the light over there? That's a campfire. I killed everyone in the camp, 30 people including the female campleader!"
Not bad... so the second vampire took to the air and went off. One hour passes... then he returns, mouth smeared with blood.
"Do you see the streetlamps over there? That's a village... which now is abandoned. I counted some 60 people and even got their mayor."
Impressive! Thus the last vampire starts... One hour passes... a second hour passes... That has to be a huge carnage!
After 3 hours he finally returns. Bloodstains all over the body, arms and face smeared red.
"And? How many did you get?" the other vampires inquired.
"Do you see the tree over there in the dark?.... I didn't..."
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| Artefore
Forum Warrior  Player Council - Biographer Joined: 21 Feb 2014 Location: Earf Status: Offline Points: 312 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 29 Jan 2015 at 13:14 |
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Not specifically a joke, but here goes:
Is it ghouls, or ghosts, or pixies or sprites?
Is a hairy grey werewolf waiting to strike,
Or a green orc, with heads on a pike.
P
erhaps it's a zombie who wants to eat brains,
or a banshee to take you as you struggle in vain.
Is it an evil red demon about to descend
onto you hungry for pink flesh to rend?
The truth is less scary,
Thank goodness for that.
It's a timid old vampire
disguised as a bat.
When it comes to frightening,
I think you're in luck.
It's only a vampire,
and at frightening they SUCK.
-Thank you-
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"don't quote me on that" -Artefore
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| Fiona
Wordsmith Joined: 02 Jul 2014 Status: Offline Points: 139 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 29 Jan 2015 at 14:59 |
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Ok heres my uhh bad ones
What's a vampires favorite drink?
A Bloody Mary
What is the difference between a mosquito and a vampire?
The mosquito makes you itch.
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| ajqtrz
Postmaster Joined: 24 May 2014 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 500 |
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Quote Reply Posted: 30 Jan 2015 at 15:49 |
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Why did they lock the vampire up in insane asylum?
He went batty! What got the vampire released from the insane asylum? He realized he couldn't just hang round. (I said the Vampire Jokes had to suck!) AJ |
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