7 days in Middle Kingdom - 11 Sept

Articles in this edition:

• Distributing the Prizes following the race
• Ode to the Runners
• An appeal for authors
• Handy household tips - how to clean up after petitioners

If you are new to Illyria then you won't know about the Race to the centre of the Universe, but last Sunday night at 8pm the centre was a sight to see, with 251 scouts from all over Illyria all competing to arrive at the exact second of 8pm! See  http://forum.illyriad.co.uk/7-days-early-race-edition_topic2330.html for photos of the finish!

How we celebrated at Castle Hugie! Our scout came in 41st, not a bad effort considering our first choice had practised celebrating a little too enthusiastically and was in no fit state. You’d think that would be the end of it - she races, she comes home, we all party! No, not a bit of it. As organisers, we’ve spent the whole week organising the prizes - trains of caravans marching across the empire to deliver the prizes that we’d held in trust, and messengers flying to the elves, humans, dwarves and orcs who had pledged prizes too. Neytiri and Sister Nikki added prizes of their own after the race was won, bringing great joy to old and new cities alike. Castle Hugie isn’t used to this kind of action - at just over 2 weeks since founding, our vans were suffering punctures and Colin head driver was asleep at the reigns on more than one occasion trying desperately to keep up.

The results:

LadyPinkVarmint of Frostgale was characteristically modest, achieving a winning time less than 1/4 of a second off the button and refusing to take credit (well OK, she took the prizes). The noble lady elf celebrates with over 2.5million in gold and generous supplies of just about everything you could think of, Nesse, Gratch, Anderrent, Qaal, Lorre, Silent Elf, Hathaldir, Kilo, Bix, Neytiri and a noble dwarf who wishes to remain anonymous.

Getafix was speedy and timely, if the most obvious flagrant breach of the rules with three scouts in the top 50 (we agreed one per player, not one per city), and comes away with a handsome prize for his second place. Pure wins third prize, though the first six runners were so fast and so close together that there was barely time to change the shout from one runner to the next - if you were mid flagon of ale you would have missed it!

Also within the top 6 was Vax, whose city was barely a week old and whose scout had little time to train. The youngest city represented in the race was StormyFS. Both newcomers received prizes from Sister Nikki which will substantially increase their speed and power!

Castle Hugie looks bereft without its bunting, though the after effects of carousing will take longer to remove. http://forum.illyriad.co.uk/7-days-early-race-edition_topic2330.html

Ode to the Runners

Not to be outdone by Barrie, the philosophers of Castle Hugie assisted with this ballad. To save our castle pigeons from collective heart attacks, we’re only distributing the first 3 verses (at last count, the full ballad runs the whole length of the tavern bar, up the wall, down the other side, before eventually slipping quietly under the table)

O runners all, who cheered this wondrous day

Full 251 shields, bright shining like a ray

Of lyric sun, across our illustrious land

A torch of freedom, in each courageous hand

Hail to the chieves/chiefs (bit of an argument breaks out in which one of the windows gets broken and a mage is taken to the wise woman with a tankard embedded in his head) both young and very old

Hail to the flags and banners held so bold

Grace to the cities who cheered them on their way

To boys, girls and dogs, who joined them on that day

O what quantities of gold and horses won

Of precious armour, prizes and of fun (this time, Tim the tavern bouncer is too quick and the troublemakers find themselves out in the street before they can swing a half litre tankard)

Peace in Illyria, as all are joined in one (Maggie is particularly pleased at maintaining the rhyme all the way to line three. She grins a challenge, and Tim puts another tankard in front of her before anyone starts anything)

One goal for all to reach towards, the warring now all done

Tammy went out at this point and comforted Barry the Bard with the “special” beer; Barry your rhymes are forgiven since the pride of Castle Hugie’s philosophers are as bad as this! 

An appeal for Authors

Illyria isn’t all about Wars and Alliances - there are little dwarf or human (or elf or orc) stories going on as well. Hanna our prize hog gave birth to 22 piglets last week - now that won’t get a mention in The Herald!

Bards tell many stories on the trails of the Caravanserai, but what about the day to day happenings? I don’t believe that our little muddy patch on the border of Middle Kingdom and Perrigor is the most interesting place in the world. Feel free to contribute to “7 Days”

Handy Household Tips - how to clear up after petitioners

Don't you just hate it when the miners come and ask for more money?  O I don't mind the money, it's the mess they leave behind!  Of course there's blood and spare limbs if one gets particularly demanding, but they are walking mud and grit all over the floors of Castle Hugie, and it's ruining the lino (us still using rushes - that wouldn't be fashionable!). 

Anyway, here's a tip to get mud and grit out of lino.  First you need an elephant - you know, one of those grey things with a long nose that they can blow water out of at great speed.  Haven't heard of them?  Well they are from outside Illyria, but more on that later I have no doubt!

Got your elephant?  It needs to be a male one.  Get some bricks, pepper and about 20 buckets of water.  Then round the back of the elephant, bash its b***s with a couple of bricks.  The elephant will go "oooooh" and suck in a trunkful of water.  Then put pepper on its trunk and it will sneeze out the water.  Make sure you aim at the mud Before you apply the pepper.

Handy tip - so that it doesn't hurt, make sure you keep your thumbs on the outside of the bricks.